As a Matter of Fact.

A few days ago I decided to take my little three year old daughter shopping with me. We were in search of a summer dress for myself and her. I took said child to a local Target. Upon entering she declared that she must have popcorn and a drink. It being about eight-thirty in the morning, I balked at her request but she would not be dissuaded. Using it as a bargaining chip to get her to sit in the cart whilst we shopped, I gave in to the request. A bag of popcorn and a small soda it was for her. She made the kind of mess I am sure Target stores were not thinking of when they made the decision to offer such foods to shoppers, and we left a trail that even a blind Hansel and Gretal could have followed. We did not have much luck and only came away from our shopping with a thank you card for a woman who had done a service for our family the previous week. After we made our purchase at the check stand I moved to the food court to refill the little soda cup. After all, she must have been quite thirsty after all the popcorn she had been eating and strewing throughout the store. We decided to use the restroom before we moved on to our next, and ultimately more grueling, task of grocery shopping. She was a success on the potty and I was happy.

We arrived at the mega store where we were to obtain our groceries and other exciting items like... deodorant or toilet paper.. wooooo! She was still working on her popcorn-soda combo and was perfectly willing to sit in the cart again. If you knew her you would know what a rare and beautiful thing it is to have her willingly get into a cart. We shopped, and shopped til the cart was difficult to push around. Laden with our items, we approached yet another check stand. Thankfully, there was only one woman in line and she had but a few items. I began the arduous task of grouping like items together and assembling them on the belt. Approximately halfway through the process my little sweetie casually states. "Mom, I need to go pee." and she went back to sifting through the bag of popcorn for some toy she had apparently tossed inside.

Her comment was not altogether lost on me and I stopped to watch her for signs that she was serious. After all, we had just been to the potty. She did not make any attempt to get my attention and I put some more things on the belt. After a few moments she casually stated, never looking at me or stopping what she was doing, she needed to go pee. I stopped upon hearing the second mention, and it was only a passing mention that she might have to go, I moved to the front of the cart and asked her if she really did need to go. She simply and calmly, almost nonchalantly, said "yes."

I didn't know exactly what to do. Should I put everything back in the cart? I asked her if she could wait. She didn't answer. She seemed so preoccupied with what she was doing, I thought she must not really need to go. I asked her again and again she said simply yes. I got close to her face and made eye contact with her, stopping her from her consuming task. I asked her if she could hold it because we had just used the potty. She, loosing from my hold on her face, calmly and without change to her demeanor said, "No, I will pee in the cart."

I was a little confused. She was articulating the words of a desperate child in need of immediate attention and shuttling to the nearest facility, but she was not at all alarmed. She wasn't squirming or trying to exit the cart. No outward sign of her condition was visible. As if peeing in the cart was a natural consequence to my not jumping at her first request. Again, I was not sure if she was serious. This is a child normally full of drama and about whom we used to have the mantra, "I'M BABY HAZEL, PAY ATTENTION TO ME!"

I asked her once more, getting her out of the cart and holding her on my hip, if she needed to go or if she could wait until we had purchased our items. She simply, without emotion or urgency and while twisting her hair around her finger mindlessly stated, "Mommy, I will pee in my panties."

I looked into the face of the clerk, who had by this time finished with the lady in front of us, and said, "Well, I guess we have to go. Sorry I guess we are not ready." I started to return my items to the cart.

She laughed and stated that we could go and that she would finish unloading my cart and hold my items until we returned from the bathroom. Had I entered an alternate universe? A world where the clerks at a mega-mart were helpful and my diva of a daughter was a calm, collected, undramatic child? The planets must have aligned perfectly.

Needless to say we rushed to the potty where the poor child unloaded an amount of "water" that was amazing to believe her little bladder could have even held. We washed hands and returned to the check stand. The clerk had unloaded everything and had rung up the large items I had stowed under the cart. She even grouped things as my anal retention would have had me group them. I was rendered speechless by the whole experience and that is a hard thing to. do. Leave it to a three year old to keep you on your toes...